So Larry was telling me one of his web sites was hacked a few years ago and he lost all his data. This is a tragic story that makes me realize exactly how much people suck. Actually, I already realized it, so let’s just say this reinforces the idea.
This web site has automatic database backup, so I can’t lose anything permanently. It also has a plugin that will find any hacker and vaporize his face. Hey, hacker, have you tried eating a cheeseburger without a face? I’m guessing it’s pretty hard to do. So watch your step.
I suppose I should write something about the Winter Olympics. I suppose I should satirize curling as an Olympic sport—but I won’t, because there are enough people doing that already. But I’d like to say one thing: If curling is an Olympic sport, then bowling should be an Olympic sport. Because bowling is harder than curling. A bowler has to lift the ball, and a bowler must often bowl while completely drunk. And that’s not so easy.
Actually, bowling might already be an Olympic sport—I’m not sure. I don’t watch the Olympics.
We’re getting more snow. Can all this snow clean the world? Maybe if it smothers the right people.
Some guy on the radio said the most common color for a car is white. I’ve never seen a white car. I live in an alternate reality filled with silver, black, and a bit of midnight pearl aqua.
The Super Bowl is an excuse for people to get together and binge on barbecued animals. But who needs an excuse? In fact, who needs the game? I ate plenty and didn’t watch ten minutes of it.
Okay, I watched The Who at halftime. Actually, I watched half The Who at halftime. The Who hasn’t really been The Who since Keith Moon died back in 1545.
There’s a part of me that likes to see old guys still playing—hey, why not? And there’s a part of me that hates to see old guys playing—because they
often look ridiculous. It was tragic that Jimi Hendrix died so young, but hey, he’ll always be 27 years old. He’s never going to be that bald, fat dude flicking his tongue and singing Foxy Lady.
Do you believe in reincarnation? It’s an interesting idea. Not as interesting as the concept of sex in outer space—but still interesting.
Most people who believe in reincarnation also believe they did something fascinating in their previous life. Usually, this is because they’re not doing anything too fascinating in their current life. So in a way, they’re daydreaming about a fictional past in order to feel better about their drab future.
I’m guessing I was a soldier in a previous life. Not a great general or anything like that—just an oridinary slob who liked to express his anger with humanity through the use of government-sanctioned violence. Plus, I can’t see myself as a farmer, standing around waiting for rain to fall on a patch of weeds. I probably died on a battlefield with a spear in my chest. I hope I didn’t lose any arms or legs.
New cars are more and more dependent on computers to run properly. Now I don’t want to sound like some old guy sitting in a rocking chair, chewing on a pair of plastic teeth—but do we really NEED to wire up every burp of beautiful carbon monoxide to a microchip?
I could see the point if the computer brought something to the party. Like more horsepower or maybe a couple of hookers. But actually, what does it do? Does the car last longer? No. Does it go any faster? No. Is it any cheaper? HA! It’s actually MORE expensive. So what’s the point?
There’s something to be said for the simplicity of a mechanical braking system. Okay, a human can’t make adjustments 10,000 times per second like a computer can. But you can actually stop the car, which is more than the owners of the Toyota Prius can say
Have you ever asked yourself, “What am I doing here?”
I ask this question a lot. One of these days I’ll come up with an answer.
stuff in the news | joeythesquash | 
February 22, 2010 9:02 am | 
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