So I had this dream…
Did your eyes just glaze over? Is there anything more tedious than listening to someone describe one of their dreams? It’s like they’re going to show you pictures of their vacation, only none of it will make sense.
“Yeah, we were in this warehouse, and then my third grade teacher was there, and we were all eating raspberries, and there was this monkey running around, and a woman with a backpack, and she offered me a ride on her skateboard, and then we were on the beach, and this guy with a huge salami was chasing me, and then I woke up.”
Are you paying attention? Because I lost interest back in the warehouse.
There are a couple of exceptions to this “dream situation”—if I’m actually in the dream, I tend to find it interesting. And if it’s one of Jill’s dreams, I tend to be interested even if I’m not in it, because I want to know who she’s thinking about besides me. But otherwise, really, I’m not that interested.
This web site will be abandoned in the near future, so I’m busy packing. Picture that scene in Star Wars where the rebels are preparing to evacuate the icy world of Hoth. Of course, there’s no phony-looking snow monster lurking in my living room. Okay, there was one, but I shot him.
I’m creating a new web site called happyjoe.net. It will greatly resemble this site only with a different color scheme—because I always say, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, and if it’s an ugly canker sore on the face of the internet, who cares?”
I’m not sure what I’m going to do with this blog. I might move it to the new location or I might just start over. Sometimes it’s good to start over. I’d like to start over in kindergarten but they told me I was too old.
Do you have any memories from kindergarten? I have a few. I remember playing with some plastic dinosaurs and wishing I could just go home. Now I’m at work every day and it’s still the same, except for the dinosaurs.
So Larry was telling me one of his web sites was hacked a few years ago and he lost all his data. This is a tragic story that makes me realize exactly how much people suck. Actually, I already realized it, so let’s just say this reinforces the idea.
This web site has automatic database backup, so I can’t lose anything permanently. It also has a plugin that will find any hacker and vaporize his face. Hey, hacker, have you tried eating a cheeseburger without a face? I’m guessing it’s pretty hard to do. So watch your step.
I suppose I should write something about the Winter Olympics. I suppose I should satirize curling as an Olympic sport—but I won’t, because there are enough people doing that already. But I’d like to say one thing: If curling is an Olympic sport, then bowling should be an Olympic sport. Because bowling is harder than curling. A bowler has to lift the ball, and a bowler must often bowl while completely drunk. And that’s not so easy.
Actually, bowling might already be an Olympic sport—I’m not sure. I don’t watch the Olympics.
We’re getting more snow. Can all this snow clean the world? Maybe if it smothers the right people.
Some guy on the radio said the most common color for a car is white. I’ve never seen a white car. I live in an alternate reality filled with silver, black, and a bit of midnight pearl aqua.
The Super Bowl is an excuse for people to get together and binge on barbecued animals. But who needs an excuse? In fact, who needs the game? I ate plenty and didn’t watch ten minutes of it.
Okay, I watched The Who at halftime. Actually, I watched half The Who at halftime. The Who hasn’t really been The Who since Keith Moon died back in 1545.
There’s a part of me that likes to see old guys still playing—hey, why not? And there’s a part of me that hates to see old guys playing—because they
often look ridiculous. It was tragic that Jimi Hendrix died so young, but hey, he’ll always be 27 years old. He’s never going to be that bald, fat dude flicking his tongue and singing Foxy Lady.
Do you believe in reincarnation? It’s an interesting idea. Not as interesting as the concept of sex in outer space—but still interesting.
Most people who believe in reincarnation also believe they did something fascinating in their previous life. Usually, this is because they’re not doing anything too fascinating in their current life. So in a way, they’re daydreaming about a fictional past in order to feel better about their drab future.
I’m guessing I was a soldier in a previous life. Not a great general or anything like that—just an oridinary slob who liked to express his anger with humanity through the use of government-sanctioned violence. Plus, I can’t see myself as a farmer, standing around waiting for rain to fall on a patch of weeds. I probably died on a battlefield with a spear in my chest. I hope I didn’t lose any arms or legs.
New cars are more and more dependent on computers to run properly. Now I don’t want to sound like some old guy sitting in a rocking chair, chewing on a pair of plastic teeth—but do we really NEED to wire up every burp of beautiful carbon monoxide to a microchip?
I could see the point if the computer brought something to the party. Like more horsepower or maybe a couple of hookers. But actually, what does it do? Does the car last longer? No. Does it go any faster? No. Is it any cheaper? HA! It’s actually MORE expensive. So what’s the point?
There’s something to be said for the simplicity of a mechanical braking system. Okay, a human can’t make adjustments 10,000 times per second like a computer can. But you can actually stop the car, which is more than the owners of the Toyota Prius can say
Have you ever asked yourself, “What am I doing here?”
I ask this question a lot. One of these days I’ll come up with an answer.
“What will motivate you?”
“More money.”
“No, we can’t give you that.”
“Well then, how about a pony?”
“Will it be cost effective? “
“What do you think?”
“I don’t get paid to think. I’m a manager.”
“Sorry, I forgot.”
So, what’s happening? I’ve noticed a few bloggers describing their blogs this way: “It’s not about ME— it’s about YOU.”
Well, that’s very generous, but rest assured that this blog is not about you.
This blog is about a BAR. Yes, Jill and I have installed a bar in our living room. The truth is we don’t even drink that much. But it looks cool, and it will give us a good excuse to start drinking more often.
I find it very hard to believe it’s only Thursday. Oh, wait—god dammit, it’s only Wednesday. Okay, I find it hard to believe it’s only Wednesday. I really need to start hitting the bar a little harder. In fact, I might just knock the damn thing over, right after I drink a quart of vodka.
Actually, I don’t drink vodka. I don’t drink anything that doesn’t taste good. Except beer.
I’m going to try and post something more often, even when it’s dumb like this post here. In fact, especially if it’s dumb.
Well, the arrival of the new CD (Happy Joe, Big Mouth) has been pushed back a bit. It all has to do with money, or a lack of it. But it will happen soon, because I won’t let a minor thing like financial disaster get in the way of making those records and getting them shipped and putting them under the bed to gather dust.
I’m just kidding. I usually put them in the basement.
In other news, I still haven’t seen Avatar. Yes, I’m the one person. Actually, Jill hasn’t seen it either, so there are two of us. But we’ll check it out soon.
my exciting life | joeythesquash | 
March 4, 2010 11:33 am | 
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