I tried being a vegetarian once. I threw out a hundred pounds of tofu trying to make that stuff taste like food.
It blends right into everything—uh, no, not really. I mean, not unless you’re blending it into soft, wet rubber. It isn’t too bad when you mix it in a frying pan with peppers and onions, but do you know what tastes a lot better? Use eggs instead. And throw in some bacon.
Actually, I don’t eat bacon. Because look what it did to Elvis. Of course, Elvis also loved fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches, which are totally “vegetarian.”
Maybe I’ll try one of those some day.
LOOKING GOOD IN SAN DIEGO
You’ve been told lies your whole life. About what? Well, lots of things. Like the glory of capitalism and the idea that Joan Baez wasn’t a complete bore. But mostly, you’ve been told lies about pizza, and how they don’t make it right on the Left Coast.
Not only did I find a great slice of pizza in Southern California, but I found it at a commercial beach—a place infested with the superficial stench of knick-knack collecting tourists. I’m talking about the Village Pizzeria on the island of Coronado. Coronado is actually a “peninsula” but let’s not get sidetracked with someone’s disregard for geographic accuracy. Let’s talk turkey about some dough.
The “regular” pizza didn’t look like anything special, but then Jill spotted a pie made with fresh tomato slices and glorious ribbons of green basil AND MAN WAS IT GOOD! As good as New Jersey pizza? Listen, you chumps, it was better. And yes, the crust was perfect. So there goes my number one reason not to move to the West Coast.
I’m practically picking out an apartment now.
OH, BABY!
food, health and fitness | joeythesquash | 
May 21, 2009 7:48 am | 
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