Interview With A Martian

There’s a lot of debate concerning the future of the U.S. Space Program. Should we return to the moon? Or should we admit it’s a ball of dust and head straight to Mars, which is also a ball of dust only redder? Anyway, what’s been missing from this debate is the view of an actual Martian. And so I found one and asked him a few questions. My words are in bold black, while he is in fiery Martian red.

So, how do the people of Mars feel about Earthlings paying you a visit?

Well, we’re a little skeptical. Let’s face it, your planet has tons of food, and yet half the people are hungry. So why do you want to visit? It’s not like Mars is made out of cheeseburgers.

Well, that’s true. But we could study things—

What are you going to study? Mars is a wasteland. Earth is a lush world full of natural beauty. You want to come rub the sweet pine needles of paradise in our sand-blasted faces?

No, no, of course not. What we want to do is make the journey. It would be an achievement for humanity.

You want to achieve something? Why don’t you feed all those starving people? Why don’t you end disease and poverty? Why don’t you stop turning your world into a chemical-infested toilet?

You’re an angry little Martian.

You’d be angry too if you lived next to the Earth. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go hunt for a drop of water.

1 Comment

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  By Ana, July 22, 2009 @ 5:06 pm

  Love your blog. I appreciate your eclectic views on human nature.

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