Mission To Mars

"Okay, we're definitely lost."

Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin thinks humans should go to Mars, and a few people in the U.S. government agree with him. I guess McDonald’s is running out of places to build new restaurants.

What would we do on Mars? All the stuff we love to do would be impossible there. I mean, could we experience hours of profitable joy polluting the
Martian water? There is no water—bummer. Could we revel in a few fine afternoons obliterating the sweet crimson air? The Martian air is already an obnoxious mix of unbreathable gases—once again, no real fun.

Okay, how about war? Could we start a good ol’ war with someone? Maybe a bunch of little green people just aching to feel the iron boot of humanity crushing them with a certain warped sense of rationalization? (Note: see American Indian). But there are no green people. Damn. All right… How about starting a bunch of wars with EACH OTHER in an attempt to secure some kind of slippery yet valuable natural resource, like OIL? Well, there is no oil—not unless some astronaut spills a quart of Castrol all over his space-shoes.

Face it, Mars isn’t that great. We might as well just keep ruining the Earth.