Interview With A Dollar Bill

A new study shows that 90% of U.S. currency contains traces of cocaine. I thought I’d interview a dollar bill and see what he had to say for himself. My questions are in bold black. His responses are in a greedy shade of green.

So, you’re a coke-head?

SNORT! SNORT! It’s possible. Are you concerned?

Yes. Cocaine is a highly addictive drug. Does it really make you feel good?

Sure, I feel great. Except for some sweating, and some vomiting, and an occasional stroke.

Seriously, why are you so covered in coke?

Seriously, it’s the least of my problems… People tell horrible lies because of me, they commit acts of violence because of me, they cause miserable amounts of heartbreak because of me. I’m the scourge of the world.

Wow. So do you feel a lot of animosity?

No. I’m a very popular scourge. Because people love to buy stuff.

Okay… So what happens now?

I suppose I’ll crawl back into the cash machine and snort myself stupid.

Thanks for your time.

SNORT! SNORT! Don’t mention it.