Plastic Surgery Disasters

When I was a kid my mother made me wear “school clothes” to school. I’d come home after school and change into my “play clothes.”

I used to envy all the kids who went to school in their “play clothes.” They were a lot more comfortable, and it’s easier for a kid to concentrate and pay attention when he’s comfortable. Who knows, I might have gone to Harvard if Mom hadn’t strangled my ass to death in those horrible clothes.

Plus, they were ugly. I still remember one pair of grayish polyester pants with mucky red spots or whatever. If you’re going to make your kid suffer so he “looks nice,” you might want to make sure he doesn’t look like an idiot. And I looked like an idiot, sitting there in those hideous clothes that would eventually contribute to my antisocial behavior.

I was thinking about this while driving to work today, because I was listening to the CD Plastic Surgery Disasters. I hadn’t heard this Dead Kennedys masterpiece in a long time, and I was laughing my head off from the very first line, when a sweet woman’s voice emerges from the ominous swirl of sound and says, Why are you such a stupid asshole? Would you really like to know? The rest of the album “lets us know,” painting a picture that’s funny, sad, and too close to the truth.

We live in a world where everyone tries to shove us into cages marked “normal,” so we can wear clothes we hate and go to jobs we don’t like. Then we buy the house we’re supposed to buy, have the kids we’re expected to have, and laugh at all the “freaks” who are different in an attempt to feel better about our choices. Meanwhile, the pre-fab world around us is controlled by dark and sinister forces.

There’s not much irony in the lyrics—they’re fairly straightforward—but there’s lots of enlightening symbolism. I especially love the tune Forest Fire, where a rich yuppie stands outside his mansion while it’s engulfed in flames, pondering whether he should save his wife or the stash of cocaine in the basement.