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She had eyes like a pair of headlights. Not the headlights of a cute little Honda—I’m talking more like the headlights of a Lincoln Navigator. So she had big, luminescent eyes.

She didn’t look at me right away, but I finally got her attention. Because I was robbing a bank, and she was the teller, and after a long wait in line I finally reached her window.

“Put all the money in the bag,” I said as I pulled my piece. “And I don’t just want the marked stuff… I want everything. The whole vault.”

She batted her umbrella eyelids. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can only give you the money we set aside for robbers.”

“Uh, well, okay.” I squirmed a bit. “But is this the stuff that explodes and covers me with purple die? Because I want to invest in a mutual fund, and I’m not sure if they’ll take purple money.”

She smiled. “I’m just a teller. Would you like to speak to a financial adviser?”

I couldn’t believe her words! In a sea filled with apathetic souls, here was someone who cared!

“Uh, not today,” I stammered. “Maybe later, after I count the cash and see what I’ve got.”

“You’ve got about fifteen hundred dollars,” she said while handing me a neatly tied bundle of bills. “That’s what the average bank robber gets.”

“Really? Hey, I thought this place paid a better than average yield.”

“No, I’m afraid we’re very average here.” She toyed with her hair a bit, and then I suppose hit the silent alarm switch. “But we’ll try to do better in the future.” And then she leaned forward with her lips glistening like peeled plums. “We’ll try very, very hard.”

I hesitated as her breath brushed my face like the wind above a volcano. Then I shoved the cash in the bag. “Okay,” I said. After all, the alarm had been tripped, the cops were on the way, and I didn’t want to shoot her. In fact, I looked at her and blurted, “Can I have your phone number?”

She smiled again. “Yes, of course.” And did she just blush? “It’s mixed in with the money.” Then she winked at me, and I felt myself melt like a snow cone in a sizzling pan.

“Thanks,” I said with a grin. I glided toward the door.

My feet felt like they were floating. Would she care if I called? And would she visit me in prison?

Either way, I knew that money wasn’t everything.