LATISSE

I recently saw a commercial for Latisse that featured Brooke Shields. Latisse is a prescription drug that increases the thickness of human eyelashes. Because drug companies can’t spend all their time trying to cure cancer, right? Certainly not while there are so many people desperate for superficial eye decoration.

Don’t eat healthier food. Don’t exercise more often. There’s a drug and a doctor for everything—just paint your eyelashes and you will be smokin’.

Did I mention that Latisse costs about $130 per bottle? A similar amount of mascara can cost as little as five bucks. But let’s not talk about the obvious
economics. No, let’s talk about the potential side effects. Here’s something from the Latisse web site:

May cause eyelid skin darkening which may be reversible, and there is potential for increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely to be permanent. There is a potential for hair growth to occur in areas where LATISSE® solution comes in repeated contact with skin surfaces.

Okay, it MAY cause eyelid skin darkening that MAY be reversible—which also means it may cause eyelid skin darkening that may be NOT be reversible, correct? And then there’s that brown iris thing that “is likely to be permanent.” Also, it might cause hair to grow any place you spill it.

So now you’ve got your lush, billowing garden of lashes—but your eyelids are black, your eyeballs are brown, and there’s hair growing out of your left cheek.

Are you looking good, baby? Maybe to another ghoul.