Study Of Reality

The Nestle Research Center in Switzerland just completed a study, and the results clearly show that eating a quantity of dark chocolate every day reduces stress. Of course, Nestle is a chocolate company—but I’m sure the data isn’t biased. Kind of like a recent study that showed cell phones actually PREVENT tumors. And who conducted that study? A bunch of cell phone companies, of course. I wish I were joking, but here’s the reality—there is no reality. There is only a perception of reality. And the guy who pays for the most perception seems to get his reality told.

Anyway, as luck might have it, I have recently conducted a few studies of my own. Here are the results:

• Chocolate tastes great. But it will make you fat.
• Cell phones are cool—I like them. But they are probably lethal.
• This blog is wonderful. If you send me a heaping pile of cash, you will be thrilled.

Actually, I will be more thrilled than you. And that fact is incontrovertible.