The Art Of Negotiation

“So how is everything?”

“Great! I feel great!”

“Oh, so you’ve been to another one of those sales seminars? Where they talk about being positive?”

“That’s right. And it was great! I’m smiling like a simp! And I feel—”

“Great! I know! Because they taught you how to negotiate.”

“Exactly.”

“And how to deny reality.”

“Well, denying reality is the basis of all negotiation seminars.”

“Yes, you need to deny the fact that some people will cut out their eyes before they’ll give one small inch.”

“Hm, yeah, true.”

“Because they’re so stupid.”

“Right.”

“It’s like talking to a pile of rocks.”

“Exactly!”

“And really, we’re talking about a lot of people.”

“You know, you might have a point…”

“It’s usually best to just throttle them all.”

“Hey, that’s great! I like that idea! Uh, can you teach me a good choke hold?”

“Sure, I know a few.”